fall memories

Staring at the piles of fallen, forlorn, ash-stricken leaves, beyond the pale walls of my room, it becomes difficult not to turn to the rigmarole of melancholic thoughts of our past living(s). These thoughts cautiously slither and slide their way, time-travelling into my present reflections: To think that without this memory I have nothing, but because of this memory I am nothing.

But, what if by a slight, thin chance this memory was fabricated—my imagination unscrupulously playing cruel tricks to pass the time?

Yet, whether this memory belongs to something real beyond my imaginary landscape, it becomes real nonetheless. It has penetrated its way into my very being: spreading over my mind and body; stretching over mornings and nights; crawling into my veins; stamping my soul with a lucid, pristine, immortal memory.

shadow

the shadow of hallucination constantly runs from the tip to the pit of my sundry dreams—hollow, long, lithe.
sun dried, moon filled.
the deeper the dream,
the longer the shadow
veiling the secret
of morning.

reality

I had to dream of it to realize it was all senseless.

long nights

We worked into the night: the fans, buzzards, drums, notes, and half torn stories were all piling up in one great frying pan. The smoke began to rise between the pages and the notes, and we saw our thoughts before our eyes—colourful and glowing with ghostly excitement, yet discordant. All we could hear now was a desultory vibration, bouncing from one ear to the next. Our names, simmering in the distance, became unintelligible, and in those passing seconds we knew one another by our glances.

sleep paralysis

Have you ever experienced hypnagogic sleep paralysis where you are completely cognizant of your surroundings, can hear your name being called, but are incapable of moving any limbs, flutter an eyelash?

In those moments you are absolutely frozen. In those few seconds you stop being human. The light bulb transforms into an angel, burning in the ceiling, yearning to fly.
Have you ever experienced hypnagogic sleep paralysis where you are completely cognizant of your surroundings, can hear your name being called, but are incapable of moving any limbs, flutter an eyelash? Count an eyelash?

In those few seconds you are absolutely frozen. In those few seconds you stop being human. In those few seconds you feel an eternal pause.

The light bulb transforms into an angel, burning in the ceiling, yearning to fly to go beyond the edge of sleep, beyond the razors of dreams.

Stillness

I wait for it. That stillness outside my porch, so beautifully alive, yet so full of solitude. I imagine intertwining with the stillness -- smudged with earthly marks. Brief.Pure purple darkness. The ephemeral stillness leaves behind solitude.

Questions

I have a preponderant task at hand that seems so insignificant to the indiscernible eye, perhaps at times my own. Is it all that complex, or am I unconsciously constructing it as such? I guess I should continue to sit in the yard and ponder it...Now where do I start searching for meaning when my thoughts seem so gnarled?