i don't know why

i don’t know why i am so, or why i feel as i do. must be because i’m both outside and inside. my unconditional unconditionality was left outside, but i am inside, an apparition gliding between borders, hovering between neurosis and uncanny calmness. i don’t know why i am holding this angel-sent nothingness between my palms, for i can smell its bitterness. i don’t know why.